Autumn Night

I want to smoke, but I don't. I want to go to this show or that, yet I don't. I nap instead. Instead I smile at people, then feel silly and creepy. I must look sad or angry -- I have no clue, I am clueless.
I am at the computer lab, smiling at people. I realize my lips are probably chapped and my mouth is that weird kind of dry where it is sticky and awkward. My eyes feel like it's sunny even though I am in the basement; my hair is stingy.
I glance at him and as his eyes turn to me I try to look cool and interested in what is on my screen -- it's just igoogle -- and I tug at my shirt. I cough my smokers cough and try to glance at him with out being noticed. It would be the worst thing in the world right now if he caught me. He notices. I try to smile, yet the motion is alien. What I end up with is a grimace.
My saunter -- which is actually a weird waddle/shimmy -- takes me to the printer. He comes up from behind which is the most unlikely and unexpected thing in the world to me. Someone laughs somewhere. He says "hi" with a slight smile. My grimace returns, and my answer is short and my voice fails me when I need it the most.
I go home and text my boyfriend.